Jesus the Feline

And now, for something a bit lighter than most of what I write. 

I’ve just stumbled across the LOLCat Bible, a wiki-based translation ot the Bible into LOLCat (ie, “I Can Haz Cheezburgur?”). Everyone should go check it out, as it is pretty much awesome.

Here are some samples.

Ceiling Cat Prayer

Teh Ceiling Cat of us, whu haz cheezeburger, yu be spechul

Yu ordered cheezburgerz,

Wut yu want, yu gets, srsly.

In ceiling and on teh flor.

Giv us dis day our dalee cheezburger.

And furgiv us for makin yu a cookie, but eateding it.

And we furgiv wen cats steel our cookiez.

An do not let us leed into teh showa, but deliver us from teh wawter.

Ceiling Cat pwns all. He pwns teh ceiling and teh floor and walls too.

Forevur and evuhr. Amen.

John 1.1-14

1 In teh beginz is teh meow, and teh meow sez “Oh hai Ceiling Cat” and teh meow iz teh Ceiling Cat.2 Teh meow an teh Ceiling Cat iz teh bests frenz in teh begins.
3 Him maeks alls teh cookies; no cookies iz maed wifout him.4 Him haz teh liefs, an becuz ov teh liefs teh doodz sez “Oh hay lite.”5 Teh lite iz pwns teh darks, but teh darks iz liek “Wtf.”
6 And teh Ceiling Cat haz dis otehr man; his naem iz John.7 He tellz teh ppl dat teh lites is tehre, so dat teh doodz mite bleev”8 Him wuz not teh lite; he jsut sez teh lites is tehre.9 Teh tru lite ov lotz of lite wuz comes, k?
10 He iz liek, “Oh hai, I mades u,” but teh wurld duznt sees him.11 He iz comes to his stuffs, but his stuffs sez “Do not want!”12 And sum guyz did want, and sez “Teh Ceiling Cat pwns,” and deez guyz iz liek his kidz—13 But not liek reel kidz, k? Iz liek teh Ceiling Cats kidz.
14 Teh cat macro is becomes Visible Man (omg) and he is lives wif us. We is sees teh glorie taht is frum teh one n only; him come from teh dad wif teh grace and teh truth.

Maybe I should write a new series in the Speculative Theology category about the importance of Parody-Christology. Or something.

Drinking Cheerwine is like Voting Libertarian

I had a delicious cherry Cheerwine today. Really made my afternoon. And it got me thinking; I realized something interesting. Drinking Cheerwine is like voting Libertarian.

Here’s why.

Let’s take a look at the American political system. We’ve got two big players, the Republicans and the Democrats. We’ve got a couple minor third parties — the Libertarians, for example. And of course, we can’t forget all those little itty-bitty independents and write-ins, vying each for their own .000345 % of the vote.

Now, let’s look at sodas. Coca-Cola is obviously Republican. It’s southern. It’s red. What more do you want? It smacks of the GOP..indeed, one might even call it the “Grand Old (soda)Pop”.

Pepsi, on the other hand, is just as clearly Democratic. It’s Northern. It’s blue. It’s got style and charisma, though not as much experience, so to speak.

This leaves Cheerwine. And logically, it’s the libertarian of the bunch. The little guy. Though it’s red color, perhaps, is reminiscent of the longstanding association between Libertarians and Republicans, it actually just wants to make its own splash. But it’s not nearly as big as the majah playahs, and it really can’t make it against them. Sad.

Of course, this doesn’t take into account all the store brands: Sam’s Soda, K-Mart Kola, Wal-mart Wash, etc. I suppose those are the write-ins. Interesting, all of them — unique and kinda tasty (i guess?), but ultimately not that useful…